god definition all religions

We're cool with every religion, but not with censorship or intolerance.

Check out Catherine Huber's book "The whole gospel according to the universal theater of God's Kingdom" A translation of the bible using modern metaphors.

Catherine Huber's Gospel

"This welcomed book features emancipated imagination, passionate attentiveness to the biblical text, and good-humored playfulness about words, images, and metaphors. The outcome is a down-home contemporaneity about the Bible now situated in ordinary time with ordinary folk. The Bible can never be the same again when, -"Born again" turns out to be "turned inside-out and upside-down;
-The Sadducees say to Jesus, "Bah, Humbug!"
-Jesus says to the Pilate, "You say I am the Presiding Bishop."
Read, mark, note well . . . and laugh!"
—Walter Brueggemann
Columbia Theological Seminar




These definitions of god were provided by good people like you and I! Thank you for donating your time and definition of god, and mostly, thank you for supporting God-defined.com. We can't assure the accuracy of any of these god definitions contained herein but we certainly can ensure passion intertwined with ignorance ♥ If you like this website join our facebook or feel free to shit your thoughts out on our blog


American Religious Identification Survey


A tribute to God

Anger and forgiveness


Autographs by his truly

Bible belt leads US in Divorces

Big Bang Theory

Blood of Christ

Born Again

Cave at Lascaux

Concept of Heaven

Christian Death Metal

Criticism vs. Limitations


Do animals have a soul?



End of the world

Evidence for evolution

Existence of God



Footwashing procedures

Free Will

God as babysitter

God is imaginary

God the Creator

Guidance of a Guru


Holy relics

Human Evolution


How to become immortal



Incorruptible bodies


Human journey

Human decomposition (WARNING, IT HAPPENS)

Interactive live chat with God

Irrefutable proof of God

Jainism - a way of life

Jesus Christ

Jesus rolling around in olive oil soaked in marijuana

Kingdom of God

Knowing God

Made in Gods image


Meaning of Life

Mid-life crisis


Native American Beliefs


Now or never

One life to live

Other shit to worship

Past lives


Prayer for non-believers

Presidential Prayer Team

Purchase a gravestone

Purpose of life



Religious tattoos


Religion and spirituality

Religious Scents

Saint Simeon the Stylite


Self Realization


Shape of the world to come

Sightings of god

Spiritual Enlightenment

Ten commandments T-shirts and hoodies

Test to see if you are a good person

Test your faith.


Toiletries of choice of our God

Tooth Fairy

Truce with my inner self


Way to heaven

What is enlightenment?

What is the cause of Islamic terror?

Why god made this world


World War 3


Yoga and Meditation



Worlds Religions
  • Aladura
    Bah'ai Faith
    Cao Dai
    Chinese Religion
    Chopra Center
    Christian Science
    Falun Gong
    Greco-Roman Religion
    Hare Krishna
    Kemetic Reconstructionism
    Mayan Religion
    New Thought
    Unification Church
    Unitarian Universalism



Other God Defined type websites (try to beat ours bitch)


Other organizations way more important than religion

WTF - Religious nuts gone too fucking far


General Conceptions of God
ered conceptions come from different
*Abrahamic conceptions of God
*Biblical definition of God
*Islamic concept of God
*Kabbalistic definition of God
*Negative theology
*God as unity or trinity
*God in Sikhism
*Conceptions of God in Hinduism
*God in Buddhism
*The All
*The Rosicrucian Cosmo-Conception;
*Metaphysics and Philosophy
*Aristotelian view of God
*The Ultimate
*Process theology and Open theism
*Posthuman God
*God as an extraterrestrial
*Phenomenological definition of God.

See Also

General overview

*Names of God
*Conceptions of God
*Existence of God
*Depictions of God in popular culture
*List of appearances of God in fiction
*Parodies of God and religion

General approaches

* Agnosticism
* Atheism
* Deism
* Dystheism
* Henotheism
* Monism
* Monotheism
* Natural theology
* Nontheism
* Pandeism
* Panendeism
* Panentheism
* Pantheism
* Polytheism
* Theism
* Theology
* Transtheism

Various issues

* Chaos
* Cosmos
* Cosmic egg
* God and gender
* God complex
* Moral character
* Planes of existence
* Spiritual evolution
* Spirituality
* Transcendence

Specific conceptions

* Alaha
* Allah
* Baal
* Demiurge
* Deus
* Deva (Buddhism)
* God in Buddhism
* God in Sikhism
* Great Architect of the Universe
* Holy Spirit
* Holy Trinity
* Jesus, the Christ
* Krishna
* Monad
* Oneness (concept)
* Pangu
* Shang Ti
* Supreme Being
* Tetragrammaton
* The Absolute
* The All
* Alpha and Omega
* The Lord
* The Creator

General practices

* Animism
* Esotericism
* Gnosis
* Hermeticism
* Metaphysics
* Mysticism
* New Age
* Philosophy
* Religion



god defined
image credit: george coghill

Welcome all, have fun and let us know what you think! Our goal is to eventually turn this page into a forum, and then a book, so your participation is appreciated, no matter what you think of the project. And never forget, people are responsible for interpreting the "word of God" so your definition is as good as anyone else's!

Welcome all. Have fun and let us know what you think. Our goal is to eventually turn this page into a forum, and then a book, so your participation is appreciated, no matter what you think of the project. And never forget, people are responsible for interpreting the "word of God" so your definition is as good as anyone else's!

"Humor distorts nothing, and only false gods are laughed off their earthly pedestals." - Agnes Repplier

"Humor distorts nothing, and only false gods are laughed off their earthly pedestals." - Agnes Repplier

definition of god

Here are your definitions of god:

<< Page 1, 2, 3, 4, 5 >>


  1. Something that eludes definition for the simple reason that it does not exist.

  2. God is Jesus Christ. Its just that simple. God is everything we are not, perfect, eternal, holy, just, loving. However, in Jesus who is God, we can gain an eternal life, and although we will die here, we will live with God. God is hope and all the good that there is. God is more then all of these things, but I think that Jesus gives us a start to understand who God is, but the journey is just begining! - InfintieHope

  3. "A psychological sock puppet" - Anonymous

  4. "God is the creator of all things, and he is beyond our finite comprehension. God created us out of love, and his love teaches our spirits ceaselessly. God may be compared to the Sun." - Bahá'u'lláh

  5. The weakest, worst, most pathetic and least practical reason to die.

  6. “God is the universe… It’s the way a sunflower just knows to turn towards the sun throughout the day. Or how a momma bird knows how to take care of her babies. It’s universal consciousness and the life forces that drives everything on this planet.” – Kristyn Molinaro

  7. God - A nice thought.

  8. “The Holy, Catholic, Apostolic and Roman Church believes and acknowledges that there is one true and living God, Creator and Lord of Heaven and earth, almighty, eternal, immeasurable, incomprehensible, infinite in will, understanding and every perfection. Since He is one, singular, completely simple and unchangeable spiritual substance, He must be declared to be in reality and in essence, distinct from the world, supremely happy in Himself and from Himself, and inexpressibly loftier than anything besides Himself which either exists or can be imagined.” - "First Vatican Council" dailycatholic.org - May 2nd 2008

  9. ceiling cat - "in teh beginnin Ceiling Cat made teh Skiez an da Erfs n stuffs, but he did not eated dem."

  10. "God does not want to be defined. Of course, if one qualifies one's statements by attempting to define one's own God, God might be ok with that." - Anonymous

  11. The opposite of a conservative idea. Completely wild and ludicrous, not grounded in the physical world, having no effect on anything other than bad decision making.

  12. "Holy Mystery" - local Chicago catholic priest

  13. "Unduly concerned about the preservation of that which can be lost only if not worth keeping." Devils Dictionary

  14. God - One more thing the dead don’t think about anymore.

  15. "Your easily offended ego." - Anonymous

  16. "Purifier of our consciences by daily visitation" - episcopal book of common prayer

  17. Takes both sides in a war.

  18. God is a concept we need to let go of so that we may become responsible for our own actions.

  19. God - The greenhouse effect of cultural stupidity.

  20. Trial size fits right in my hitter box.

  21. "Some one who many people insist doesn't exist yet are willing to spend hours of time thinking up silly definitions they think are insulting. They waste a lot of time on trying to insult some one who doesn't exist. Clearly, for them at least, god does exist. Else why pay so much attention?" - Anonymous

  22. The voice of reason as spoken by inanimate objects.

  23. God - The big sports team.

  24. god- One whose name must always be capitalized.

  25. Floods, storms, or lightning.

  26. A symbol of peace so contorted that we now must speak against it, in order to speak for it (that sucks.)

  27. GOD creator of all. GOD is very merciful and loving."Heaven and earth shall pass away: but my words shall not pass away." Luke 21:33 - submitted by anonymous

  28. God - Time plus matter plus energy, minus logic.

  29. "God is whatever you want him to be. I think God is my conscience. When he talks to me it's my conscience talking to me. I don't believe he's this force that controls our destiny I believe we control our own. And if I die and wake up in Heaven and I find that Hell really does exists,I love my family and I love HUMANITY so much so very much that I would not hesitate to jump right off." - John Gavina

  30. God is man’s best friend; well, especially those wanting to abuse or escape something.

  31. God - The rapist’s alibi.

  32. God is any set of combined rules and taxes inducing shame, judgment and fear.

  33. "Well I believe that God is our Father and Creator.He is the beginning and the end....He is the only one who loved mankind enough to send his son ...Jesus Christ ...to save us from ourselves and give us a bridge to him... He is all knowing and merciful....He loves his children( that would be us) but expects us to give up wrong doing-sin to be able to be close to him...He is all love and when we come to him through Christ he will always be there for us....God's the bomb" - Rhonda

  34. Big gaping hole!

  35. A condom to put on before reality fucks you.

  36. The being that will send you to hell for eternity if you deny its “everpresent” existence.

  37. God is Love (mind you, if god is everywhere, then this definition is void)

  38. If God is love, why don't Christians think I should be allowed to marry? - Anonymous

  39. God - Repression dressed as an angel for Halloween.

  40. God is not a God of confusion but of peace.

  41. "God needs to be redefined as any power greater than oneself." - Steven Carty, Puerto Vallarta

  42. The guy you’re supposed to worship, unless you’re gay.

  43. Everyone’s favorite all knowing transsexual.

  44. What someone who believes in God thinks they are.

  45. Creator of cancer.

  46. The dude that made this stupid fuck of a disaster of a planet, where half the world is suffering, mainly because we can’t agree on what he/she/it really believes, is, lives, and truly even cares about.

  47. The dude that made this beautiful planet full of amazing creatures living, and extinct. Stop reading this and get out and travel!

  48. If god is everything and everywhere, god is Cancer, AIDs, and fake breasts all at the same time.

  49. A vague idea invoking tremendous strength.

  50. Lots of time and luck.

  51. Clearly cares more about Earth than other planets.

  52. One mans quest to find out why the stars shine.

  53. The overpaid CEO of the universe.

  54. The forerunner of progressive thought.

  55. A death certificate or diploma that ensures your free ride to Heaven, which actually happens to be constant mass in a church.

  56. Absence of anything perceivable to rational beings.

  57. The corpse welcoming committee.

  58. "The LORD, the LORD God, merciful and gracious, slow to anger, and abounding in steadfast love and faithfulness, keeping steadfast love for thousands, forgiving iniquity and transgression and sin, but who will by no means clear the guilty, visiting the iniquity of the fathers upon the children and the children's children, to the third and the fourth generation." (Exodus 34:6-7)

  59. YHWH or Jehovah, meaning "I am who I am", "I will be what I will be", "I am".

  60. So conflicted, most won't ever see how ridiculous he truly is.

  61. A monopoly of stupidity.

  62. Phish after Jerry died.

  63. Lamb of God after Pantera folded.

  64. My equal, like everyone else.

  65. One who calls you, to be a flake.

  66. God is a surveillance Camera.

  67. A pointless debate.

  68. The great escape. And no, I'm not talking about Six Flags.

  69. The prince of coincidence.

  70. "An imaginary entity invented by ancient people to bring them a false sense of comfort and security in an uncomfortable and insecure world. Now available in thousands of forms, male, female, of neither sex, and of both sexes." - Bruce Robinson

  71. "A very popular imaginary friend." - Anonymous

  72. A universe sized infant.

  73. Gives you all the virgins you never had the time to break in yourself in real life.

  74. "Morgan Freeman." - Ebenger @ Calpoly

  75. "God - the guy all you haters are gonna have to face and explain your definitions to." - Bob Madia

  76. "The Schizophrenic Sky Pervert. Overly concerned with the proximity of everyone's genitals at any given moment." - Will Davies

  77. An innocent idea that quickly turns to desire for profit and fame such as the creation of this book.

  78. A host whose party was so boring he slipped out the back.

  79. Boredom intertwined with horrible hymns.

  80. God - Convenient excuse for just about anything.

  81. A heinously old particularly attractive celebrity.

  82. A particularly attractive celebrity.

  83. That which you are supposed to spend your life pretending to interact with in the hopes that you will have more sex when you are dead.

  84. God is not a fan of shrimp.

  85. "Man pussy" - Alan Hicks

  86. "God, as an entity, is subject to context; for me, the ideal is all men strive to be but will never achieve, for it is a collective of our energies and momentum. Right now in history, for example, it is all that men allow themselves to be, added into one pool of energy that few can perceive. Ask a man his opinion on god, your answer comes directly from the same energies of which he speaks; but always the whole is different from the sum of its parts, and only 'God' has that perspective." - jd

  87. Shepherd to all the sheeple out there following him through no-mans land to obscurity and...

  88. "If there is a God, he is within. You don't ask God to give you things, you depend on God for your inner theme." - Bruce Lee

  89. The dumb loser fuck that sits around flagging shit on craigslist all day.

  90. Jesus’s butt buddy.

  91. "He lives in us all just some try to fight him." - Cecil Macrae

  92. Six letters shorter than hypocrisy.

  93. Scarecrow with a tip jar.

  94. The great banker in the sky.

  95. The combined tits, ass and vagina of an 18 to 35 year old woman. (or your category)

  96. The lottery you really can’t win.

  97. God - The fourth branch of government.

  98. A plot free television program that you can watch with your eyes closed.

  99. A big thumb for a small mind to suck.

  100. "God is the realization that WE are not the pinnacle of conciousness." - Yegor the cat

  101. Invented in the year 256,243 BCE.

  102. Fossil fuel.

  103. "God is humanity's subconscious desire to protect itself from reaching a true heaven.. the only one we can find, on earth." - Samuel Green

  104. No friend of mine.

  105. Security blanket that may suffocate you if you’re not careful!

  106. Cross upon which to jab at common sense with a spear.

  107. The genius behind luck, chaos, and chance.

  108. The sun as seen by primitives and/or the contents of resulting books.

  109. A flaw in evolution.

  110. God was the creator of Darwin (coincidentally Darwin died the Same year Friedrich Nietche published the Gay Science which announces "God is Dead").

  111. A wheelchair for those that don’t realize they can walk alone.

  112. God - The ultimate placebo.

  113. Pseudo understanding.

  114. Seemingly free drugs.

  115. The thread which sews up a tight ass.

  116. A benevolent gang leader. (KKK are Christians, too!)

  117. Almost a noun.

  118. "GOD = Generator,Operator,Destroyer." - Pushpak

  119. Futile wish to be immortal and see dead loved ones again.

  120. A truly selfless mortal.

  121. God - Santa Claus with a whip and rule book.

  122. God - Yesteryear’s pollution that is taking forever to clean.

  123. Something men invented to trick women into thinking we can think of something other than sex. I.E. something to talk about in between fucks.

  124. Synonym to stuff.

  125. The guy that I was just told blessed me for giving a bum over 50 cents.

  126. The pervert who always watches you masturbate. That was quick!

  127. A cloud hovering in an unused homeless shelter.

  128. Side effects – can cause mental diarrhea.

  129. A mirror in the sky making one seem bigger than they are.

  130. The most divisive feature of humanity.

  131. A recycling facility for folklore.

  132. Something similar to the internet but less useful.

  133. The ruler of the entire universe with nothing better to do than authorize gay bashing.

  134. Not the ruler of other universes.

  135. The creator of arbitrary rules sometimes resulting in the fucking of young boys.

  136. A cartoon with no sense of humor.

  137. A puzzle with no pieces.

  138. Super god’s pet.

  139. An imaginary proponent of homophobia.

  140. An invisible rainbow that hates your enemies.

  141. Air that cares.

  142. An unsatisfactory answer to an unnecessary question.

  143. A bus stop with no bus on route.

  144. A father that seems to encourage his children to fight over what to call him.

  145. Christ’s baby daddy.

  146. An astronomical Helen Keller.

  147. A fucking salt stain under a fucking bridge.

  148. A collection of statues and books and trinkets and rituals.

  149. The Victoria secrets catalogue.

  150. A focal point for the insane.

  151. God - An idea that should not be pushed on children.

  152. The thing before coffee hour.

  153. An invited disease.

  154. God - works in the way of disease, famine and natural disaster to spread his love.

  155. A brainwash turned brain tidal wave.

  156. God is a fairytale created by a epileptic man named Paul.

  157. A retarded gimp that you should defend with nuclear weapons if need be.

  158. Grandchild of Victor Wooten, Miles Davis, Jimi Hendrix and Bob Marley.

  159. Your guess is as good as mine…

  160. Something that if it existed, life would be less precious for a lack of fragility and temporary-ness.

  161. A super-cool dragon that you get to ride on when you die.

  162. Someone that hates everything that makes you uncomfortable.

  163. A disorder pre-disposed to much of the republican party.

  164. Magician who amazingly created 3 billion year old carbon datable fossils only 7 thousand years ago.

  165. A bandaid for your soul ache.

  166. A soft handshake.

  167. A welcoming hand millions of light years away.

  168. God - Achiever of all our orgasms (ever wonder why you moan "oh god" during sex, probably has something to do with all those who say a prayer before sex).

  169. "God is just a collection of some words originally suggested by Rev. M. R. Watkinson for the 2 cent piece that never should have made it onto written bills of legal tender because in reality "IN GOD ONLY SOME TRUST" and as we all know this is "NOT OUR GOD AND NOT OUR COUNTRY", god does not belong to anyone, and this sure as shit is not our country nor was it ever anyone's at all! Just ask the surviving natives we mainly killed off to rape the land. Go read Ishmael by Daniel Quinn and stop pretending you're so self righteous." - Anonymous

  170. Something that enters a youngster, usually against their will by way of clergy, or the tip of a priest’s cock.

  171. A clown sitting above a tank of water with a huge target that few will take a toss at.

  172. Hope in something – kinda.

  173. Something the rest of nature ignores.

  174. A lie I don’t believe you believe, which you are so upset about it makes you want to kill me.

  175. A priests paycheck, boss.

  176. Easiest whipping boy.

  177. Ghandis moral inferior.

  178. Tester of weak men’s wills, especially that of senators.

  179. A sourse of endless comfort until death.

  180. A space alien that shudders every time you say fuck shit piss etc.

  181. The lucky guy that got to give it to the hot-ass virgin Mary.

  182. Use your fucking brain you idiot.

  183. Satan after a good meal.

  184. An invisible weapon.

  185. The asshole that broke up Capra’s band.

  186. A doll for adults to dress as they please.

  187. Std on the tip of freedoms cock.

  188. A cruel torturer who gave people their libido and then would have them feel guilty about it.

  189. A big fucking prick most of the time.

  190. A pat on the back for keeping your desires in check.

  191. The bringer of the planting season. Just kind of makes it happen. Don’t ask beyond that please.

  192. A pre-recorded message on the answering machine of desperation.

  193. Sexless flying whale burping the occasional miracle.

  194. A non gay man with like 12 non gay men following him around washing his feet.

  195. Friend of the poor and best friend of those that prey on the poor.

  196. Primal fear mixed with higher level emotions minus direct observation.

  197. Architect of the largest boat Noah ever built.

  198. A barbed wire fence surrounding a closed mind.

  199. Generic term for any invisible superhero anyone invents for the mind control of the masses.

  200. The proper nutrition for a warmonger.

  201. A false idol particularly associated with the white people.

  202. A constant disappointment.

  203. A fairly recent invention.

  204. Something you say under your breath when people start talking about god.

  205. Spiritual landlord.

  206. A big hand that threw a big rock at the dinosaurs.

  207. God – office hours are 9-12 Sunday mornings.

  208. Believes in the death penalty for innocent people… thousands a day.

  209. One who temps us with the question of whether or not we’ll ever be able to see him or experience his glory!

  210. Creator of billions of lifeless planets for our viewing pleasure.

  211. A tree that when the wind blows against it from the wrong direction drops bombs.

  212. The almighty creator and guiding force of millions who still after countless hours of homage and prayer will not intervene during rape, or even genocide.

  213. Something so unreal I cannot even imagine it.

  214. A comatose lover.

  215. A rock star with a rapidly aging fan base.

  216. A deity so lazy he relies on door to door sales people.

  217. Something that saves you from pleasure.

  218. Conformity incarnate.

  219. The second personality of a mental patient.

  220. Both everything and nothing.

  221. Shopping for women, yet sex for men.

  222. Master of those that believe. Slaves!

  223. The evolution of lies.

  224. A high horse upon which bigots ride.

  225. The fourth party in a state sanctioned marriage.

  226. A system of imaginary rewards for acting against your instincts.

  227. Creator of god.

  228. Created Michael Jackson in his image.

  229. Metaphor spoon fed as fact.

  230. One possible conceptual outcome of over thinking life.

  231. The idea of a confused and persuasive philosopher with epilepsy.

  232. A laborious concept to grapple with from which only death brings respite.

  233. One of my parents’ friends.

  234. The wild card of political motive.

  235. Nature personified by inaccurate people who meticulously and grotesquely adhere to his every word.

  236. A sculptor who is the worst critic of her work.

  237. The mayor of la la land.

  238. A teddy bear that’s everywhere.

  239. Not a beer drinker.

  240. The tunnel at the end of the light.

  241. A cross between a Cyclops and a cyclone.

  242. God - What I am to my cats.

  243. Creator of man, who in his image has done more to destroy our planet faster in the past 200 years than any natural disaster has comparatively in the geological timescale of earth.

  244. Someone that, if she exists should fucking torch the rich immediately.

  245. A vegan pro-lifer that usually recycles.

  246. Universal Tupperware.

  247. One that lacks lips. “Sure god's all powerful, but does he have lips?” - Lane Staley

  248. A tampon for the flow of self pity.

  249. A doggie biscuity for vultures to pass out to lemmings.

  250. A creature elsewhere that we hope hopes that we hope to be better people.

  251. Someone that's even more fun to cheat on than your wife.

  252. Prick with no balls.

  253. One lazy nigger!

  254. Even harder to give up than whatever they give up on lent these days.

  255. A members only club with a giant neon welcome sign.

  256. Aone of a kind species occupying an alternate dimension known as the afterlife: Makes perfect sense!

  257. A type of fungus that grows on the American fag/flag.

  258. He-king of the patriarchy.

  259. The only supplement which extends a human lifespan to infinity.

  260. Straight up, classic bullshit.

  261. The bond of respect and acceptance which should be felt between living intelligent organisms mistakenly thought of as externally created.

  262. Avid collector of 3rd term aborted fetuses. Likes em’ ripe.

  263. A tale so tall we may never see the end of it. (Sigh)

  264. A grossly misunderstood liberal.

  265. The mascot of the military industrial machine.

  266. Whichever caveman had the biggest head.

  267. My final breath, gift wrapped.

  268. A consolation prize.

  269. An idea that is easy to defend unless words are used.

  270. A woman who is extremely hard to please.

  271. Irrefutable proof that the world is full of morons.

  272. One of the elements of the periodic fable.

  273. Reality crucified.

  274. A successful reporter for Fox news.

  275. Golden turd.

  276. The ghost breathing down our collective neck.

  277. Butt poetry for gays.

  278. The most common daydream.

  279. Someone who needs to touch base with atheists.

  280. A great abyss into which you may throw your free time.

  281. A communal bonding experience not unlike a movie, concert, or sporting event. The difference lies in the lack of entertainment inherent in church other than to the atheist.

  282. The ghost with the most.

  283. Bastard of all humanity.

  284. Loyal friend of Satan, clearly.

  285. Facelift for sinners.

  286. A guy, that when you give him a rest after 7 days, you never see him again.

  287. A really boring role model.

  288. The subject of an awkward conversation with your father in law.

  289. Mortality thru rose colored glasses.

  290. An idea floating just above a cross necklace.

  291. He whom we can trust will always be there, to poke fun at.

  292. An inspirational feeling lasting a full two hours after an impassioned sermon that took a priest a week to write.

  293. The do-gooder that wants you high and hooked on Jesus.

  294. Any real life friend.

  295. Man to every other species.

  296. Relax, death won't be that bad!

  297. A love which is no where near as powerful as earthly love.

  298. An asshole preventing the hyper devout from copulating... monks and nuns.

  299. So arrogantly trusts man to spread his word, that he would keep those genetically pre-disposed to the clergy from ever reproducing.

  300. The same guy who had the foresight to make it impossible for gays to reproduce ironically decided his devout followers would gladly follow the same path.

  301. A reason to celebrate: with celibacy!

  302. Mythology bound and gagged.

  303. Who? Sorry, don't know him. Drat.

  304. Something that doesn't really deserve a definition if you ask me.

  305. A cement wall with graffiti on it.

  306. The essence, presence, and lessons of the clouds.

  307. A greeting card from the big bang.

  308. Faster than a speeding bullet, stronger than a locomotive, and able to dodge prayer requests with a leap of faith.

  309. Opposite of humor, he's seen it and heard it all before.

  310. Mr. Goodbar.

  311. Dr. Feelgood.

  312. Author of these definitions.

  313. Poster child for disease and famine.

  314. Whomever the atheist works for.

  315. Death energy.

  316. The silence after an evangelist speaks.

  317. An expression used during an orgasm - bill hicks

  318. The smell of impending doom, or incense.

  319. The ceiling of a church.

  320. A charity for the lucky,

  321. …and a black hole to chuck your hope in for the rest.

  322. The reason i am a good bass player, not spending half my life playing as much as i could stand.

  323. A pre-grave mistake.

  324. the cul-de-sac most travelled.

  325. Some regular guy alive today in about two thousand years.

  326. A solid third of the trinity. Tight with the holy ghost. Tight with Jesus.

  327. A smart fish noticing Pangea is far from inhabited.

  328. Freshly faked apple lie.

  329. Something put down the throat and swallowed that doesn't quite taste right.

  330. Anyone with excessive amounts of material possessions.

  331. The solstice-equinox mystery on life-support.

  332. The only thing more rude than blue balls.

  333. The master fundraiser.

  334. The inquisition, the crusades, the witch hunt, the war on drugs, the war in Iraq.

  335. Quite obviously dead. RIP MIA

  336. god - Something it is perfectly natural to doubt.

  337. god - My cock to the reader.

  338. U might find out later.

  339. Don't ask! Just believe. You will be filled in later.

  340. Smell of Roses. Rose Odors.

  341. The kind of creature that decided my brother should die moments after birth.

  342. A superhuman person who is worshiped as having power over nature and the fortunes of mankind.

  343. god - Used to express mock heroic indignation.

  344. An image or other artificial or natural object, as a pillar, a tree, a brute animal, which is worshiped, either as the holy symbol of an unseen divinity as supposed to be animated by his indwelling presence, or as itself possessing some kind of divine consciousness and supernatural powers, an idol.

  345. Object of adoration and supposed absolute power.

  346. god - a threat

  347. a being such as understood by the proper name God.

  348. a soul divine creator and ruler of the universe.

  349. a wish.

  350. the being in phrases which express dependence upon or grateful recognition of divine providence.

  351. a secondary cause or mediate object of gratitude.

  352. used with indirect question to imply that something is unknown to the speaker, and probably to every other human being.

  353. A radiant force magnetizing you closer to your private underground lair with each passing day.

  354. An absence beer completely makes up for.

  355. Esteem in the community.

  356. An answer that is a question.

  357. The Anti-christ.

  358. The high ruler of morality/mortality.

  359. Paradoxically, the creator of the universe, yet somehow surprisingly has no connection to science.

  360. "God is a comedian playing to an audience that is afraid to laugh." - Voltaire

  361. God - Dog spelled backwards. – Mike Olah

  362. An expression uttered when something unbelievable happens. Oh my god!

  363. A celestial college student whose final project, earth, received the lowest mark in the milky way campus.

  364. Someone with two birthdays a quarter year apart.

  365. A Foreclosure Notice.

  366. Sufferer of chronic fatigue after doing so much work those first 7 days.

  367. Essentially a vegetable.

  368. Distance between me and another non-believer.

  369. Irrelevance in daily life.

  370. Free love mistaken for prostitution.

  371. One who cannot fix potholes.

  372. A white lie adopted graciously by minorities.

  373. A cage fighting match for a healthy imagination.

  374. Cespool of testosterone with no where to blow it (yet of course, until we learn of God’ess, his main squeeze.)

  375. A potent name to take in vein.

  376. An extension of the penis.

  377. Is it written, thou shall not make fun of God? I haven’t read it that thoroughly.

  378. The only one who wears custom made XXXXXL Magnums for Godly men.

  379. One whose name we do not know how to take in vain for we do not know shim’s name!

  380. A douche bag in a loin cloth.

  381. Will become real when people act a bit cooler generally, and lighten up considerably.

  382. God -The force in Star Wars; not mentioned in Star Trek.

  383. An overtly seriously topic.

  384. Someone who insults me by stating the obvious. Of course I shall not kill!

  385. A pet for those with too nice of furniture for a dog or cat.

  386. Currently working on mans replacement.

  387. Not exactly a hell of a good time.

  388. A guy that fucks a lot of people over each morning.

  389. Abstract assassin.

  390. A subject that should be taught in school instead of African American history, Womens history, Native American history, and while we are at it, music history.

  391. Hopefully a hot broad!

  392. An older fellow resistant to text messages.

  393. A jew/buddhist/muslim/christian/penteist/hindu who occasionally dabbles in wiccan/pagan rituals and likes to toke up with Jah on the weekends while ragging on mormans.

  394. The cover of father time magazine.

  395. Inspiration subject and/or funding for many great works of art.

  396. The bother, the shun, and the wholey fear-it.

  397. Someone that loves me less than my mother, who, by the way, actually created me. Now you bring on the orphan jokes!

  398. Had the best view of Hiroshima and Nagasaki

  399. The idea which the new world was founded to both run away from and embrace… all while promising equality and destroying entire races.

  400. A spirit which either compels you to sit awkwardly silent or mumble strange words and faint on television.

  401. A fancy hotel that won’t give you a wakeup call until you are charged for the new day.

  402. A non-happy ending.

  403. Still smaller than The Beatles.

  404. An idle past time.

  405. The balls of the extremist.

  406. God is more worthless than reality television.

  407. Is gonna have to prove her loyalty to me not vice versa.

  408. Very proud of followers ability to ignore reality; Leap of faith I think it’s called.

  409. Fuck your pretentious afterlife, I want to be dead when I die.

  410. Basically if you say you believe, you believe. If you say you don’t you are very brave yet you're still going to hell. Oh well!

  411. Someone holier than thou.

  412. A glimmer in the distance whose lecture you are perpetually attending.

  413. A stuffiness contest.

  414. A parachute you know damn well probably won’t go.

  415. Hello. This definition is God speaking... What up G, just here testing your faith again. Boo! You fail.

  416. A smarmy carnie at the funeral carnival.

  417. Chief source of guilt and discomfort.

  418. Someone to cry to when no-one else listens.

  419. A way of celebrating your death day everyday!

  420. A huge fucking ear.

  421. Ultimate action figure.

  422. The collective parts of other forgotten and less important gods who only served singular purposes.

  423. So many things at once, you just might as well consider it the least functional ADHD multi-tasker ever.

  424. A tool for scared people to scare others with.

  425. God is Guilt.

  426. More mysterious than infinite truth.

  427. The shadow of your own life passing by.

  428. So elusive, the FBI has never even taken out a case on this global terrorist, yet somehow its followers will seemingly continue their own independent investigations until that sweet Judgment Day finally arrives.

  429. The reason time management and decent work ethic had to be devised. We’d surely starve to death if we just sat around praying for stuff all day.

  430. More evasive than the loch ness monster, yeti, and the chupacabra combined.

  431. A poorly aimed cumshot.

  432. Resident of empty minds and churches.

  433. Children playing, or childsplay.

  434. Something that someone else really wants me to believe.

  435. Laid out in a pile of decaying papyrus, some of which has been hidden from the public, and altered over millennia, somewhere in a lavish temple off grounds to the poor somewhere in Italy.

  436. A mad man that tends unicorns.

  437. A horny bastard with a white hood.

  438. A way through which to judge your neighbor.

  439. A torpedo aimed at hate, which more than often ends up annihilating peace instead.

  440. An idea/concept more frustrating to crack than the Rosetta Stone, Quantum Mechanics, String Theory, Newtonian physics, and every other form of mathematics, language, or science man has come by since.

  441. A route to further complicate an unexplained existence.

  442. Provider of slutty virgins to those who murder in his name.

  443. God - An endless supply of slutty virgins.

  444. Condemns murder yet somehow lets it slide if the victim is gay or an abortion physician/doctor.

  445. Better well rounded than the sphere he built for us to live on.

  446. The most moral and just idea ever.

  447. Probably shouldn’t have rushed the creation of earth and man.

  448. Bodyguard of victims.

  449. Verbally praised in films such as the highly acclaimed “Teenage anal princess” and “It’s a wonderful life.”

  450. One whose diet presumably consists of human souls and mass scale suffering.

  451. A museum for philosophic ideas and personal preferences.

  452. So unpopular with 20 something’s that this page instills feelings of guilt and remorse before those who view it even take the time to understand the concept or click the link.

  453. A taunt.

  454. The proud father of George W. Bush’s favorite philosopher, Jesus.

  455. Lavishly decorated in gold, silver, and gems in his most popular tourist destinations.

  456. A really dark sense of humor.

  457. An absurd crazy belief which is used as a key indicator of a good person.

  458. Kim Jong-il is to the people of North Korea, as Christ love is to southern America.

  459. All purpose power.

  460. The only word with no universally accepted definition.

  461. Never ending story.

  462. A tree made into paper.

  463. What people are missing. What are we missing?

  464. Leader of the great rat race.

  465. Senator Arlen Spectors second best friend (after the mistress of course).

  466. Most popular product on infomercials.

  467. An argument that is and will only ever be grounded in personal experience and attempted understanding.

  468. One who damns.

  469. Recreational self praise.

  470. An idea without which we should have no sin, and sin is too fun to give up!

  471. An abusive lover that looks like a sad puppy.

  472. A vapor to be clenched in the teeth at bedtime.

  473. He to whom many owe unlimited gratitude for Christmas and Easter, very enjoyable holidays.

  474. A corporation with a monopoly in the fake estate market.

  475. A unicycle to ride on a mountain trail.

  476. Equally helpful and not helpful… neutral.

  477. A spiritual dildo.

  478. A light bulb to a gnat.

  479. Probably someone Mr. Nikola Tesla thought very little of. "God has not properties, but only attributes and these are of our own making. Of properties we can only speak when dealing with matter filling the space."

  480. Gravity and other powerful forces that act on matter.

  481. Dear friend of Zeus.

  482. Backstabber of Jews.

  483. Creator of atoms then left to their own devices.

  484. Someone you would probably have to know before you missed.

  485. God - A laughing stock option.

  486. A ghost you are said to be insane for not seeing, and sometimes murdered for if you do not believe it.

  487. God - An abstract idea which is somehow radical to question.

  488. The reason newborn babies cry… God just said goodbye to them. "Good luck"!

  489. A peacemaking agreement/ a wild truce chase.

  490. A guy who talked to some Jewish guys, some Christian guys, and some Islam guys, and accidentally caused more people to die than anyone else in human history. – UrbanDictionary.com

  491. Large angry fairy-pixie in the sky. Refuses to show any evidence of his existence but will sentence you to an eternity of pain and burning if you do not accept it. -UrbanDictionary.com

  492. The main character in the fiction work "The Bible." - UrbanDictionary.com

  493. An all powerfull being who lives in a flying cloud castle and is always watching you. {in context}. .. . Sarah: *rubs her clit a little when she thinks no one is around* God: I. See. YOU! - UrbanDictionary.com

  494. A common misconception. - UrbanDictionary.com

  495. Garb easily confused with a KKK member.

  496. An unexplainable existence.

  497. God – "through revelations, has recently shown he actually wants to focus on the up and out (the powerful), not the down and out" . So, clearly he's makes appearances to give high fives to the most extensive Christian fundamentalist para-church leaders during adultry sessions including Sanford, Ensign, and Pickering of the C Street House . – Jeff Sharlet on Real Time with Bill Maher

  498. Zach Womp of Chattanooga, Tennessee’s personal friend, who is taking Christ to the troops in the form of mega-church chapels that promote anti-religious practices in the streets abroad.

  499. A philanthropist with a political agenda.

  500. A daddy that won’t mind his own business.

  501. Creator of astronomical greed.

  502. Lord of all imagination.

  503. Abbreviation for fairy god mother.

  504. Hand selects the rich, and they know it.

  505. The reason you are so fucking ugly.

  506. Nebulous encouragement.

  507. Leader of both pope and Bin Laden and a lot of other assholes.

  508. Not a communist.

  509. A humble supreme leader god thing.

  510. Thingy.

  511. The inspecting spector.

  512. A generic monster.

  513. Book to be burned.

  514. A litmus test for compatibility among nations.

  515. Someone that could do wonders for Africa.

  516. The ultimate party pooper and cock blocker in the sky.

  517. As attainable as Sawyer from LOST.

  518. Johnny Depp and Brad Pitt to older women, Jonas brothers to younger women.

  519. The fountain of youth. (must be hiding in the rain forest somewhere)

  520. God - Grounds for a divorce; a bad marriage counselor.

  521. Good for you!

  522. No, thank you.

  523. Just too huge of an idea to fit in my open mind. I tried, briefly in my late pre-teens.

  524. Direct subject of religion.

  525. Indirect subject of spirituality.

  526. A point of view which is so crowded you can’t see anything from it.

  527. A distraction from God’s work.

  528. Animal activist.

  529. Almost as moving as a smile from a real friend.

  530. If he wanted us to live forever he should have just made us that way! Seems the afterlife is an after thought.

  531. Popularity contest for old stinky prophets.

  532. The least sexy fantasy.

  533. A three-way with yourself.

  534. Incapable of designing a creature as gorgeous as my cat Pretzel.

  535. Trial and error.

  536. A dangerous dinosaur in old Japanese films.

  537. Something even the native Americans used to believe in.

  538. A trickster that knows many ways to alter culture.

  539. Glad nobody wrote down the story of how we left Africa a couple million years ago.

  540. Ultimate Ice breaker for tribes that just wanted to socialize.

  541. Came here after mars dried up.

  542. More than welcome to leave a definition, right HERE ____________________________________________. (come-on God, show us what you really think of yourself!)

  543. A really lame buddy.

  544. Any trillions of sperm or eggs combined.

  545. Supervisor of sweat shops for the living & maggot banquets for the dead.

  546. Biggest Eminem fan.

  547. Possible father of your child in the second coming.

  548. Enjoys scanning obits.

  549. King of rotting flesh and flies.

  550. Reader of epitaphs.

  551. A book and then a worm. The end.

  552. Not my problem.

  553. The big cold call.

  554. A spirit with no sense of time, doesn’t realize that one prophet every 2 or 3 thousand years is pretty weak given our 80 year lifespan.

  555. Only listens to the prayer “Please god, hide yourself.”

  556. Prayer, his ultimate joke.

  557. Currently doing Chinese water torture on Hitler and Michael Jackson.

  558. Kevin and Dan’s intellectual property.

  559. A chick I would like to bang… or a guy that probably already had my girl.

  560. A guy with wafers for skin and grape juice for blood.

  561. A guy that wants you on your knees to receive.

  562. Not a safe alternative to car insurance.

  563. Best depicted in art by Serrano’s Piss Christ.

  564. God is a guy that wants you on your knees to receive.

  565. Not a safe alternative to our pull out method.

  566. Murderer of all other gods – some of which were pretty cool!

  567. A silken lined, fully loaded, fully automatic, coffin with a sun roof and extra storage for all the shit you gathered while acting pious.

  568. A splendid creative outlet for agnostics. A headache for atheists. Something to vigilantly defend for the rest.

  569. A friend of the devil is a friend of mine.

  570. God - an antiquated being who understands Latin but will settle for groups of people reciting old English together.

  571. The master who has been beaten by the slave.

  572. He who providith, yet mainly he who taketh away.

  573. The guy that made that one deal at work go through.

  574. I don’t owe God shit. I’m a good person.

  575. Someone who says you have sinned when you have not. You would know if you had. It would have been aweful.

  576. God - The Wal-Mart brand of redemption.

  577. Super intense concept. Let’s get drunk.

  578. God - Someone other than Grandma, you can think of when you need to fuck longer.

  579. Go USA! Go USA! Nine eleven! Go USA Go USA!

  580. The only one enjoying weddings.

  581. The longest poem.

  582. Murky at best.

  583. Someone that talks to you a lot more when you don’t believe in him.

  584. Attention whore.

  585. “It seems the height of antiquated hubris to claim that the universe carried on as it did for billions of years in order to form a comfortable abode for us. Chance and historical contingency give the world of life most of its glory and fascination. I sit here happy to be alive and sure that some reason must exist for ‘why me?’ Or the earth might have been totally covered with water, and an octopus might now be telling its children why the eight-legged God of all things had made such a perfect world for cephalopods. Sure we fit. We wouldn't be here if we didn't. But the world wasn't made for us and it will endure without us.” Stephen Jay Gould

  586. "Creationism: Genesis vs. Geology" in Science and Creationism (New York: Oxford University Press, 1984), p. 130. - Stephen Jay Gould

  587. The big debate, with seemingly hardly much to truly debate about. It's just scribblings on paper guy!

  588. "There are no shortcuts to moral insight. Nature is not intrinsically anything that can offer comfort or solace in human terms—if only because our species is such an insignificant latecomer in a world not constructed for us. So much the better. The answers to moral dilemmas are not lying out there, waiting to be discovered. They reside, like the kingdom of God, within us—the most difficult and inaccessible spot for any discovery or consensus. " - Stephen Jay Gould

  589. "Details are all that matters: God dwells there, and you never get to see Him if you don't struggle to get them right." - Stephen Jay Gould

  590. A reputation only a fool would attempt to attain.

  591. A champion permanently toppled by primal instincts, but let’s pretend otherwise.

  592. Again, considering we were supposed to be created in his image, it would imply that God can be and most likely is a Republican pedophile fag cannibal with sociopathic tendencies.

  593. Get a life.

  594. A hobby with non-specific equipment.

  595. The cherry on top of a perfect life Sunday.

  596. Lives under the skirt of a school girl.

  597. Negative benevolence + positive firmness: authoritarian personality without consideration and humanity.

  598. Gives the go-ahead for kamikaze missions and various human explosions.

  599. The revenge one generation seeks on the next.

  600. Hopefully understands Amen, Halleluiah, and what the Holy Spirit mean.

  601. I pray to him every night to kill everyone that makes over $250,000 a year so that everyone else could be happy.

  602. Santa Claus for adults: he only comes once a lifetime though, and you travel up his chimney to get the presents.” – Andy Nelson

  603. A word with very few rhymes: wad, sod, pod, cod, rod.

  604. Provider of eternal douche chills.

  605. Try him with a glass of lemonade!

  606. Spirit talk?? - Miguel Padilla

  607. The guy that is gonna buy us a fucking condo in Chicago for writing a book mocking him.

  608. “That feeling I get way down inside!” – SEE NO Evil 24

  609. Byproduct of consciousness.


  611. Over the counter intelligence.

  612. God prefers ex-traffic cops for the second coming of Christ, clearly that's why he picked Sergei Torop.

  613. God - The soul police.

  614. Designer of pubic hair, what a sick joke.

  615. Who says long distance relationships don't work?

  616. "The human answer to the unknown, created so that we may be comforted in our ignorance." - Anonymous

  617. "The guy who said if Adam & Eve eat fruit from this tree then the rest of mankind will no longer live in paradise and will have to work for whatever they want. That sounds fair but I thought fruit was good for you." - Anonymous

  618. Available in thrift stores near you, faith not included.

  619. End result of the telephone game, confusion.

  620. Old news.

  621. Out of service.

  622. Testicles (incubator of life).

  623. A full English breakfast.

  624. God - A well educated professional single.

  625. Ultimate authority and supporter of waterboarding, just ask our last president Dick Cheney.

  626. Trophy wife of closet gays.

  627. The only one who knows you are wearing women's underwear and watching Disney channel.

  628. A being we can only guess is vastly disturbed by internet sites such as cakefarts and lemon party.

  629. God - Happiest short bus driver ever.

  630. "God is a concept, by which we measure our pain." - John Lennon

  631. Pinnacle of multi-personality disorder.

  632. Ever morphing being: as god was something the ancients appreciated and respected in many forms. Today it's just something we've mainly been told to fear and believe to be a 2 headed republican that threatens hellfire.

  633. God - a hypocrite on a universal level - if we lived as he did, it would be cool to pollute, murder, and make people suffer for an entire earth life.

  634. God - A hypothetical hero.

  635. God - An ongoing social experiment, that amazingly has made its way to facebook.

  636. Gold dust on the floor of a vast chasm (a sundering breach in relations, as a divergence of opinions, beliefs, etc., between persons or groups).

  637. God is a Multi-national cult leader.

  638. He that sends you to hell every damn Sunday morning.

  639. Proof the world exists.

  640. God-Defined.com

  641. The blog of the ancients.

  642. A person recently having ingested cocaine.

  643. Two or three beers, a joint, and a hole for the cock, and don't forget breakfast!

  644. The white men of America, especially those with money. Or, perhaps, with some other evil quality, and women that enjoy spending their money.

  645. A poor excuse for the ignorantly patriotic.

  646. A tiny break from intense greed.

  647. A guy that will reincarnate you into a slutty virgin humming bird next life.

  648. A bunch of hindu shit with arms.

  649. Daniel Fucking Huber.

  650. The only profane word to my unborn children.

  651. A barbed butt plug equppped with prayer book and a good luck charm.

  652. A barbed buttplug on the end of a jackhammer.

  653. VIP of the mental asylum.

  654. Faith brokerage that never pays dividends. (direct inspiration to Ken Lay and Bernie Madoff)

  655. Faith brokerage that pays dividends off with maggots when you die.

  656. Something almost as easy to give up as jumping out of a pool.

  657. Majority of the audience at a free jazz show.

  658. Many styles still available to choose from - act fast, while supplies last! Offer ends with your life.

  659. An etherial substance found everywhere in the world, with the exception of my heart.

  660. "If man is the measure of all things, then god is the measure of all men." - Chris Morrow

  661. A conjoined twin soon to be born north of Mongolia with healing telepathy powers and occasionally glowing flesh.

  662. The cause of mysterious bubbles in my pint of beer.

  663. Reason for eclipse, meteoroid showers, volcano's, and tsunami (according to those who didn't know any better back then).

  664. Something that amazingly moves so many black people.

  665. He is so fucking busy that the last time he could afford to be around was when he spat you out the fuck hole.

  666. "And that no man might buy or sell, save he that had the mark, or the name of the beast, or the number of his name. Here is wisdom. Let him that hath understanding count the number of the beast: for it is the number of a man; and his number is Six hundred threescore and six."


Abandon hope, all ye who enter Page 2.

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CAUTION: PARENTAL ADVISORY WARNING (Any opinions expressed on this website, or in any way expressed by humans anywhere, are not necessarily those of God.)


The mere act of writing such a webpage proves the point that God can be manipulated for any purpose.


(c) Copyright 2009 God-Defined.com - All Rights Reserved
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Courtesy of: Dan (Thanks to my mother, Laura Kipnis, Ambrose Bierce and God Defined for inspiration.)
& Kevin (Special thanks to JP, and anyone else who has helped me think outside the box)